“They need to do some more tests” grandpa said. I was eight years old when I found out that my grandma had terminal lung cancer. She was feeling sick one morning so my grandpa took her to the hospital, and he checked her in. It was about 2:30 pm when my grandpa called and wanted to talk to me. “We need to take your grandma to the hospital in Provo Utah so that she can have more accurate tests done”.
“Can I come with you?” I asked to here my grandpa tell me NO! I was so scared I didn’t want to lose my grandma she was my best friend. The next morning I got up at 7:00 am to get ready for school and to catch the bus. Lunch at my school started at around 11:30 in the afternoon. That’s when I got the bad news.
The intercom beeped and called out “We need Levi to come to the front office he is wanted on the phone”. I got up out of my seat, collected all of my things, and then left. When I got to the front office I walked in and picked up the phone. When I heard the first few words come out of my moms mouth I about broke down and started to cry.
“Your grandmother isn’t doing so well” I remember asking my mom what’s wrong, and I remember her telling me “she has been started on chemo therapy and they are afraid that she has gotten an infection from it.” And that their main concern would be that she might not be able to fight it off. I started to think to myself that Easter is just a week around the corner and that there is a chance that I might not get to spend it with my grandma. That was the worst thought ever, and I was thinking about how it would be.
“We need to help you pack some clothes, do your chores, and then go get some gas for the car we are going to Provo to spend some time with your grandmother.” I was so happy knowing that I was going to get to spend some time with my grandma. I planned on sitting right there next to her for the whole five days we were going to be there. I brought books and crayons for me and her to color. It took an hour and a half to get there, witch isn’t very long but to me it felt like days.
“I felt so helpless.” When we got there my dad went to ask what room she was being held in and he found out she was in room # 307. I took off and ran down hall after hall looking for the room. When I finally found the room I walked through the door, and I seen my grandpa sitting there crying. I walked in to find out why he was crying. The things that I was seeing mad me cry and feel helpless. Right before my eyes I seen my grandma hooked up to all kinds of different machines and Ivey’s. The infection was so bad that it had made my grandmas body start to swell. She didn’t even look like my once before beautiful grandma.
“Hey kido” my grandpa said with tears rolling off his cheek and onto the floor. “The doctor said your grandmother is in pretty bad condition and that they didn’t expect her to make it past Easter.” I started to cry even harder, and went over to my grandma and laid my head on her stomach and started to tell her how much I would miss her and how much I love her. My grandpa then picked me up and kissed me on the cheek and said “Everything will be okay; your grandma is going to a better place, a place without suffering and sickness. The doctor came up to me and my family about three o’clock in the afternoon to tell us the bad news.
“Your grandmother is not going to make it, and that he would be surprised if she even made it through the night. And that was the first holiday that I didn’t get to spend with my grandma. A week later my family and I attended the funeral. It was the hardest thing to attend just for the fact I had to watch them put my grandma, my best friend, and a wonderful person six feet under.
Friday, December 10, 2010
Narrative
“Why wont you do what you need to do mijo?” I didn’t answer my moms questions anymore just didn’t care what she had to say didn’t listen anymore doing what I wanted do. Doing my own thing always partying 24 – 7 not worrying about nothing I was having fun always smoking coming home high my mom would see me but that didn’t stop me doing what I was doing. Robbing stores getting high fighting picking up new charges mostly every week. Getting more and more trouble by the day.
The day finally came I got in to much trouble my mom said I cant handle you no more. We talked we decided together send me away for a while not knowing when I was going to come back. The next day my mom bought me a ticket for this guy to drive me to Morelos Mexico. A little while latter I packed my things together clothes everything I could take not to much cause they charge for every pound that it weighs. I said by to my family and my mom same time showing her the new tattoo that I had barley got I left.
We started are way to Mexico me and all these old Mexicans going to Mexico to finish the rest of there lives and I was going to start my new life. It took 3 long days and nights to get there not stopping only to get gas and food to use the bathroom to nothing else. Sleeping on ugly nasty smelly people it was disgusting in that van the whole way there it smelled like someone was farting and I think it was the old man next to me.
I had finally got to Mexico a part of Mexico that I had never been to it was my fist time in that part I been to Mexico before but this part was ugly and weird different than any other place I had been. I got there with this guy José that I had barley known still confused about him not knowing what to think what to do.
I started my new life in Mexico that day in Mexico no one helped me everything was all up to me. I had to take care of my own had to work for my own money had to work for things I needed. I needed a phone so I had to buy me one had to pay for every minute I used. For the first time of my life I really had to take care of myself it was harder than I thought it was going to be
Working in Mexico was so hard working in U.S. is nothing compared to Mexico. First job that I had over there was planting corn in the hot sun every day from morning working while the sun came up to when the sun fell making holes in the soil throwing a couple kernels in every whole closing them up no machinery all by hand. That was my new life it was a start but I started to move up after all that hard work I got a side job on the weekends. Now I was working with cement laying down cement for houses is what I was doing had to mix all the cement with shovels no machinery all by hand. It was the hardest jobs I ever had.
After 4 months I was finally going to leave Mexico and go home. I packed all my things and all my stuff and finally bought my self a ticket and by the next morning I was on the bus by 6 leaving. I went towards the border all by my self taking a couple different buses to get me to one spot it took me 3 days. I thought I had got lost a couple times or taken the wrong bus. I was right I had took all the right buses and finally got there to the border. I saw my mom for the first time in Nogales Mexico and we both crossed together and ate McDonalds. After that I rode again to salt lake. I was finally home.
The day finally came I got in to much trouble my mom said I cant handle you no more. We talked we decided together send me away for a while not knowing when I was going to come back. The next day my mom bought me a ticket for this guy to drive me to Morelos Mexico. A little while latter I packed my things together clothes everything I could take not to much cause they charge for every pound that it weighs. I said by to my family and my mom same time showing her the new tattoo that I had barley got I left.
We started are way to Mexico me and all these old Mexicans going to Mexico to finish the rest of there lives and I was going to start my new life. It took 3 long days and nights to get there not stopping only to get gas and food to use the bathroom to nothing else. Sleeping on ugly nasty smelly people it was disgusting in that van the whole way there it smelled like someone was farting and I think it was the old man next to me.
I had finally got to Mexico a part of Mexico that I had never been to it was my fist time in that part I been to Mexico before but this part was ugly and weird different than any other place I had been. I got there with this guy José that I had barley known still confused about him not knowing what to think what to do.
I started my new life in Mexico that day in Mexico no one helped me everything was all up to me. I had to take care of my own had to work for my own money had to work for things I needed. I needed a phone so I had to buy me one had to pay for every minute I used. For the first time of my life I really had to take care of myself it was harder than I thought it was going to be
Working in Mexico was so hard working in U.S. is nothing compared to Mexico. First job that I had over there was planting corn in the hot sun every day from morning working while the sun came up to when the sun fell making holes in the soil throwing a couple kernels in every whole closing them up no machinery all by hand. That was my new life it was a start but I started to move up after all that hard work I got a side job on the weekends. Now I was working with cement laying down cement for houses is what I was doing had to mix all the cement with shovels no machinery all by hand. It was the hardest jobs I ever had.
After 4 months I was finally going to leave Mexico and go home. I packed all my things and all my stuff and finally bought my self a ticket and by the next morning I was on the bus by 6 leaving. I went towards the border all by my self taking a couple different buses to get me to one spot it took me 3 days. I thought I had got lost a couple times or taken the wrong bus. I was right I had took all the right buses and finally got there to the border. I saw my mom for the first time in Nogales Mexico and we both crossed together and ate McDonalds. After that I rode again to salt lake. I was finally home.
Getting Caught
“What did you do with the $5 that I gave you for doing good in school?” My mom said.
“Huh what do you mean what did I do with the money. I spent it all on candy” I say. So now here I am sitting here in the circle. With a look of confusion on my face.
So now as I’m sitting there I tune out everything that is going on around me. But then I sit there and listen into what was being said and I hear “Well Chris tell me what did you spend all the money on? Did you spend it all on weed?” By the way he is my step brother. While I was sitting there I was feeling scared and nervous, because I didn’t want to get caught for something that I didn’t do.
I had a lot of negative thoughts running through my mind. Like “What if I get caught? What will the consequences be?” Will they be good or bad?” Then as I tune into the conversation I hear a sudden big bang. I told myself not to move but I wanted to. So finally after sitting still I decided to get up. I go to the front door and I see my uncle Mario standing there by it along with my uncle Danny.
So as I crept towards them they notice me then nothing. Next thing I notice I’m sitting there at the kitchen table and I hear “so you four going to tell us the truth or are we going to have to force it out of you?”
“No” I say. Afraid to say too much. Then I sit still just listening to them hit the table yelling at us about us buying the weed and smoking it with each other. So as that happens I just sit there. In utter silence. My heart feels like an abyss. At that moment I start to get angry at myself for doing such a thing. I mean my parents raised me better then that. I had it all a bed to sleep in, my own 360, my own TV, I had it all. But now because of this one little f*** up It’s all gone.
So after all of this has happened my mom finally comes over and asks me “Erick have you learned anything from this. I hope you did because I raised you better then that son.” Soon after that I say no and she says “fine your grounded for a few months.” At that point I’m shocked. I have learned that weed is bad for you. I also learned that my mom is kind of strict. Or can be most or all of the time. I had learned that as long as I kept doing this then I know that all of the trust that my family have for me or even in me will be gone. So now I’m just sitting on my bed telling myself that “it’s just another lesson learned.” So now have you ever been caught for smoking weed?
What did you feel like after you had been caught for smoking weed? Did you feel like crap? And if you haven’t been caught for smoking weed then what would you feel like if you did get caught for smoking weed?
“Huh what do you mean what did I do with the money. I spent it all on candy” I say. So now here I am sitting here in the circle. With a look of confusion on my face.
So now as I’m sitting there I tune out everything that is going on around me. But then I sit there and listen into what was being said and I hear “Well Chris tell me what did you spend all the money on? Did you spend it all on weed?” By the way he is my step brother. While I was sitting there I was feeling scared and nervous, because I didn’t want to get caught for something that I didn’t do.
I had a lot of negative thoughts running through my mind. Like “What if I get caught? What will the consequences be?” Will they be good or bad?” Then as I tune into the conversation I hear a sudden big bang. I told myself not to move but I wanted to. So finally after sitting still I decided to get up. I go to the front door and I see my uncle Mario standing there by it along with my uncle Danny.
So as I crept towards them they notice me then nothing. Next thing I notice I’m sitting there at the kitchen table and I hear “so you four going to tell us the truth or are we going to have to force it out of you?”
“No” I say. Afraid to say too much. Then I sit still just listening to them hit the table yelling at us about us buying the weed and smoking it with each other. So as that happens I just sit there. In utter silence. My heart feels like an abyss. At that moment I start to get angry at myself for doing such a thing. I mean my parents raised me better then that. I had it all a bed to sleep in, my own 360, my own TV, I had it all. But now because of this one little f*** up It’s all gone.
So after all of this has happened my mom finally comes over and asks me “Erick have you learned anything from this. I hope you did because I raised you better then that son.” Soon after that I say no and she says “fine your grounded for a few months.” At that point I’m shocked. I have learned that weed is bad for you. I also learned that my mom is kind of strict. Or can be most or all of the time. I had learned that as long as I kept doing this then I know that all of the trust that my family have for me or even in me will be gone. So now I’m just sitting on my bed telling myself that “it’s just another lesson learned.” So now have you ever been caught for smoking weed?
What did you feel like after you had been caught for smoking weed? Did you feel like crap? And if you haven’t been caught for smoking weed then what would you feel like if you did get caught for smoking weed?
Change is Good, Sobriety is Life
“What were you thinking?” Emili yelled at me through the phone.
“Huh? What?” I said still waking up. Confusion swarmed my tilt-a-world brain, still deciding if I want to spew or not.
“You saw what that s**t did to me. What made you think it was going to be different? It’s serious stuff. When the cops called me, I thought… I thought they were going to tell me they found your body.” Emili says fighting back the urge to cry.
It hit me that a bomb, the worlds ran through my mind like an express train to England. Then . . . it all came out. Seriously everything came out. The tears ran and flowed like never before.
Sitting in my room with three blankets and still felt like it was below zero. My clothes were soaked like I’d just gotten done with a water balloon fight. Frequently running for my full set room/and bathroom set toilet to let out all that was left in me. My cries turned to screams hoping this would stop. What felt like weeks was only four days. Finally shutting my eyes for some good unfamiliar sleep . . .
Boom, Boom, Boom. MJ the staff at the detention said unlocking my door. “Ashili you have a visit.”
“From who?” I said as she walked in a bit.
“Your mom.”
Walking down to the visiting section hurt like I was weighed down with thousands of pounds of withdrawal. I sat down, breathing like I just got done running a mile. Sudden tears fell from my moms’ eyes as she grabbed for a hug.
“Oh my gosh.”
“Ah, be careful.” I said wincing in pain. She stared at me for five minutes in silence. My eyes couldn’t even meet hers. My head hung down like it was decapitated. I was ashamed that I let my habit get this bad. I couldn’t let her have the satisfaction that she was right, I did need help.
After the visit, I felt as if I had met my maker. –Logically I did– I went to the nurse.
“Step up on the scale so we can get your weight again. When you came in you could hardly stand.” She said trying to be as gentle as possible. I was mute and felt oblivious to what I had done. Having that feeling of knowing you have absolutely no idea what they’re talking about bluntly . . . SUCKS!
“105.3. Okay now let’s get your height.” She continued trying not to give me the big eyed look.
After lights out I sat in my bed thinking ‘Do I want this in my life forever? , ‘Do I want to die?’ Do I want my sister, mom, or dad to get that call?’ No, I don’t. I need to stop being selfish and think about others around me. Take accountability for what I had done. Thankfully I now am proud to say I’m 7 months clean from cocaine and heroin.
“Huh? What?” I said still waking up. Confusion swarmed my tilt-a-world brain, still deciding if I want to spew or not.
“You saw what that s**t did to me. What made you think it was going to be different? It’s serious stuff. When the cops called me, I thought… I thought they were going to tell me they found your body.” Emili says fighting back the urge to cry.
It hit me that a bomb, the worlds ran through my mind like an express train to England. Then . . . it all came out. Seriously everything came out. The tears ran and flowed like never before.
Sitting in my room with three blankets and still felt like it was below zero. My clothes were soaked like I’d just gotten done with a water balloon fight. Frequently running for my full set room/and bathroom set toilet to let out all that was left in me. My cries turned to screams hoping this would stop. What felt like weeks was only four days. Finally shutting my eyes for some good unfamiliar sleep . . .
Boom, Boom, Boom. MJ the staff at the detention said unlocking my door. “Ashili you have a visit.”
“From who?” I said as she walked in a bit.
“Your mom.”
Walking down to the visiting section hurt like I was weighed down with thousands of pounds of withdrawal. I sat down, breathing like I just got done running a mile. Sudden tears fell from my moms’ eyes as she grabbed for a hug.
“Oh my gosh.”
“Ah, be careful.” I said wincing in pain. She stared at me for five minutes in silence. My eyes couldn’t even meet hers. My head hung down like it was decapitated. I was ashamed that I let my habit get this bad. I couldn’t let her have the satisfaction that she was right, I did need help.
After the visit, I felt as if I had met my maker. –Logically I did– I went to the nurse.
“Step up on the scale so we can get your weight again. When you came in you could hardly stand.” She said trying to be as gentle as possible. I was mute and felt oblivious to what I had done. Having that feeling of knowing you have absolutely no idea what they’re talking about bluntly . . . SUCKS!
“105.3. Okay now let’s get your height.” She continued trying not to give me the big eyed look.
After lights out I sat in my bed thinking ‘Do I want this in my life forever? , ‘Do I want to die?’ Do I want my sister, mom, or dad to get that call?’ No, I don’t. I need to stop being selfish and think about others around me. Take accountability for what I had done. Thankfully I now am proud to say I’m 7 months clean from cocaine and heroin.
High and Drive, Don't Mix
At about 1:30 pm that is where it all started. I slide out of bed, nudging my cousin to wake up. Then I headed out side, grabbed the truck keys off the dashboard, slid the keys slowly into the ignition and started the truck to warm in the frosty winter. I hopped out of the truck and creped my way into the house and got ready.
“Hurry up lets go.” I said. Bolting out the door hopped in the truck. A minute later my cousin stormed out the door and hopped into the truck. We backed out of the parking lot and found the credit card. So, we can head off to the store & made it there.
We jumped out of the still running truck to not lose the heat that already built up. We walked into the store to see what we could find. “Go get the drinks and candy.” I said. “I will get the two Chicken Combos and the chips.” We start off to the front to pay for the food & then headed out to the still warmed truck.
We turned around instantly and headed towards the back roads, rattled over the rail road tracks & drove four or five blocks than slammed on the breaks. We grabbed the pipe and the half bag. Then we sat back and we started to blaze. Then about 20 min later I was on cloud 19 and didn’t know where the pipe went. “Where is the pipe?” I questioned. Then he said “It’s in your hand you idiot.” I grabbed the pipe with other hand and put it away. Then we started to eat like a rich family on Thanks Giving.
So we decided to leave when we finished eating. We drove to this trailer court down the street from my cousin’s house. At the trailer court they have this huge empty area in the middle of the trailer court. We decided to drive around and do some sliding around in the middle of it. My cousin and I kept sliding around until me and my cousin decided to head back to the house.
When I got home, & found out that my uncle knew I took is vehicle that now reeked of bud. That’s when I knew that I was caught getting high. That taught me not to get high and drive. Even if it’s in a town near home.
“Hurry up lets go.” I said. Bolting out the door hopped in the truck. A minute later my cousin stormed out the door and hopped into the truck. We backed out of the parking lot and found the credit card. So, we can head off to the store & made it there.
We jumped out of the still running truck to not lose the heat that already built up. We walked into the store to see what we could find. “Go get the drinks and candy.” I said. “I will get the two Chicken Combos and the chips.” We start off to the front to pay for the food & then headed out to the still warmed truck.
We turned around instantly and headed towards the back roads, rattled over the rail road tracks & drove four or five blocks than slammed on the breaks. We grabbed the pipe and the half bag. Then we sat back and we started to blaze. Then about 20 min later I was on cloud 19 and didn’t know where the pipe went. “Where is the pipe?” I questioned. Then he said “It’s in your hand you idiot.” I grabbed the pipe with other hand and put it away. Then we started to eat like a rich family on Thanks Giving.
So we decided to leave when we finished eating. We drove to this trailer court down the street from my cousin’s house. At the trailer court they have this huge empty area in the middle of the trailer court. We decided to drive around and do some sliding around in the middle of it. My cousin and I kept sliding around until me and my cousin decided to head back to the house.
When I got home, & found out that my uncle knew I took is vehicle that now reeked of bud. That’s when I knew that I was caught getting high. That taught me not to get high and drive. Even if it’s in a town near home.
Just a Cold
“No, no this can’t be happening.” Trying to breathe. I ran and ran to the point were my side cramped so bad that I collapsed. I was so close and that’s when I heard the noise that still makes me cringe to this day. An ambulance. As I stood up to attempt to run some more as I get to the corner of my street there went the ambulance. I was too late. He was already gone.
It was a quiet Sunday at the house. It was the end of February and it was still really chilly out side, so most the kids in are house had colds. I remember most of us kids were sitting on the floor in front of the T.V watching some cartoons. My Brother Zachary had a cold and runny nose. My dad called him upstairs to get some medicine “Zachary get up here and get some medicine before I lay down to take a nap.” “No dad” he said. He didn’t want to take the medicine but my dad insisted. He said “If you want to get better than you have to take this.” Finally he took the cough medicine.
I left to my girl friends house to go hangout. I wasn’t suppose to but I was a rebel. I did what I wanted when I wanted. It was towards the evening when my sister called my friends house. “Carly, you need to come home.” I asked “Why?” The next couple words were a blur. “Zachary stop breathing.” I didn’t even hang up the phone, I just ran out the door before anyone could offer to give me a ride or ask me what was the matter. I just ran and ran like I would never stop. And then I had stumbled to the ground from the pain in my side. I was so close. Just around the corner and I would be there. But the noise that rang in my ears told me I was too late. All I could think of is that I should have been there. I could have saved him. After the ambulance passed by I ran the rest of the way home. My neighbors were inside my house. It was all so confusing. I just wanted to find my parents.
Hours had passed by and we were all waiting downstairs on the couch and my parents walked through the door. My mom looked like sh*t. All I remember was apologizing for leaving the house without asking. We all sat on the couch and my my dad said was “he didn’t make it.”
It was a quiet Sunday at the house. It was the end of February and it was still really chilly out side, so most the kids in are house had colds. I remember most of us kids were sitting on the floor in front of the T.V watching some cartoons. My Brother Zachary had a cold and runny nose. My dad called him upstairs to get some medicine “Zachary get up here and get some medicine before I lay down to take a nap.” “No dad” he said. He didn’t want to take the medicine but my dad insisted. He said “If you want to get better than you have to take this.” Finally he took the cough medicine.
I left to my girl friends house to go hangout. I wasn’t suppose to but I was a rebel. I did what I wanted when I wanted. It was towards the evening when my sister called my friends house. “Carly, you need to come home.” I asked “Why?” The next couple words were a blur. “Zachary stop breathing.” I didn’t even hang up the phone, I just ran out the door before anyone could offer to give me a ride or ask me what was the matter. I just ran and ran like I would never stop. And then I had stumbled to the ground from the pain in my side. I was so close. Just around the corner and I would be there. But the noise that rang in my ears told me I was too late. All I could think of is that I should have been there. I could have saved him. After the ambulance passed by I ran the rest of the way home. My neighbors were inside my house. It was all so confusing. I just wanted to find my parents.
Hours had passed by and we were all waiting downstairs on the couch and my parents walked through the door. My mom looked like sh*t. All I remember was apologizing for leaving the house without asking. We all sat on the couch and my my dad said was “he didn’t make it.”
Mean Dad
“You stupid bi*ch you are just like your mom!” My dad yelled to me from inside the house. I didn’t want to go in, because my mom had left to a party. I knew if I went inside he would hit me just because he was mad and angry, because my mom had went to a birthday party. He came home and asked me to go in the house. I refuse to go in, because the beating would begin.
Instead I ran to the street crying I didn’t want to go inside. My dad treated me like trash just because he felt like trash him self. I stayed home because I didn’t have anything nice to wear. My dad was out drinking with his friends like every Sunday. So my mom thought it was ok for me to stay home. I did enjoy an hour by my self at home listing to music, till the beast showed up.
Then next thing you know I was running for my life. I ran, and ran he couldn’t catch me. I was small and quick, he was fat and slow. He was mad at me and I was enjoying the moment, his too fat can’t catch up saying mean things to me till I lost him.
Next thing you know I find my self at the store talking to a bunch of guys that knew me and my family. One was telling me to go home or my dad was going to kick my butt. I told him that’s why I’m here because he wants to beat me for no reason. Next thing you know my dad passes by. All the guys pretend not to know me.
He yells at me to come home and that he had called my mom and he had told her how stupid I was being, and that she is on her way. By the time I got home my mom was there. She asked me what was I doing on the street and why was I being disrespectful to my dad. I told her that he was being mean to me and that he was drunk and I was scared to be next to him because of the times he had tried to touch my sister. My dad said I was talking trash and that I just ran always to go kiss some guy. My mom didn’t know who to believe but my mom said that, I should get a beating for being on the street.
Instead I ran to the street crying I didn’t want to go inside. My dad treated me like trash just because he felt like trash him self. I stayed home because I didn’t have anything nice to wear. My dad was out drinking with his friends like every Sunday. So my mom thought it was ok for me to stay home. I did enjoy an hour by my self at home listing to music, till the beast showed up.
Then next thing you know I was running for my life. I ran, and ran he couldn’t catch me. I was small and quick, he was fat and slow. He was mad at me and I was enjoying the moment, his too fat can’t catch up saying mean things to me till I lost him.
Next thing you know I find my self at the store talking to a bunch of guys that knew me and my family. One was telling me to go home or my dad was going to kick my butt. I told him that’s why I’m here because he wants to beat me for no reason. Next thing you know my dad passes by. All the guys pretend not to know me.
He yells at me to come home and that he had called my mom and he had told her how stupid I was being, and that she is on her way. By the time I got home my mom was there. She asked me what was I doing on the street and why was I being disrespectful to my dad. I told her that he was being mean to me and that he was drunk and I was scared to be next to him because of the times he had tried to touch my sister. My dad said I was talking trash and that I just ran always to go kiss some guy. My mom didn’t know who to believe but my mom said that, I should get a beating for being on the street.
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