“But, oh, what a deceiver he turned out to be only a really cruel people can be called deformed. Virtue is beauty, but someone beautiful and wicked is like an empty box decorated by the devil.” –Antonio
Trying to see someone for who they are and not just this pretty face is true beauty. We today, stereotype people into these categories and don’t give them a chance to show who they really are. People’s emotions and the way they look are possibly opposites. Just because you’re beautiful on the outside doesn’t mean you have the true beauty inside. The gift to feel emotion and lay off the attitude makes you that one person who is lucky to have you or find you, happy or even fall in love. I know for me I give those other people that usually get past by a chance because they’re the ones that have a heart of gold. Once you see what’s on the inside the outside becomes this breath-taking creation from god. They begin to speak to you words from angels that are from their hearts and you just fly high to cloud nine. I’ve had in my life, stunning, gorgeous people, but they became these Medusa Cretans from hell when they start to move their tongues to speak. Their heart turns into this pulse-less abyss. Try something new in life. Give one person those 5 minutes, which was wasted on the Cretan jerk, and hear those sweet words of truth. You will hear the truth about yourself and not just these bull crap fake words just to get in your pants. You will be shown who you really are, and what others see in you. You possibly thought the real you was lost or hidden, but you will shine brighter than the sun when they put you on that pedestal. Maybe you hid yourself due to the past but there are those saints out there waiting for you to hear the words of truth, that the others were to frightened to say. I guarantee that you will take a step back and think, “Dang. That is so true, true beauty is inside and not always on the outside.” We all know that saying that goes like “Opposites attract.” It’s just the beginning of what life gives meaning too. ♥
Showing posts with label Elee. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Elee. Show all posts
Friday, January 7, 2011
Friday, December 10, 2010
Change is Good, Sobriety is Life
“What were you thinking?” Emili yelled at me through the phone.
“Huh? What?” I said still waking up. Confusion swarmed my tilt-a-world brain, still deciding if I want to spew or not.
“You saw what that s**t did to me. What made you think it was going to be different? It’s serious stuff. When the cops called me, I thought… I thought they were going to tell me they found your body.” Emili says fighting back the urge to cry.
It hit me that a bomb, the worlds ran through my mind like an express train to England. Then . . . it all came out. Seriously everything came out. The tears ran and flowed like never before.
Sitting in my room with three blankets and still felt like it was below zero. My clothes were soaked like I’d just gotten done with a water balloon fight. Frequently running for my full set room/and bathroom set toilet to let out all that was left in me. My cries turned to screams hoping this would stop. What felt like weeks was only four days. Finally shutting my eyes for some good unfamiliar sleep . . .
Boom, Boom, Boom. MJ the staff at the detention said unlocking my door. “Ashili you have a visit.”
“From who?” I said as she walked in a bit.
“Your mom.”
Walking down to the visiting section hurt like I was weighed down with thousands of pounds of withdrawal. I sat down, breathing like I just got done running a mile. Sudden tears fell from my moms’ eyes as she grabbed for a hug.
“Oh my gosh.”
“Ah, be careful.” I said wincing in pain. She stared at me for five minutes in silence. My eyes couldn’t even meet hers. My head hung down like it was decapitated. I was ashamed that I let my habit get this bad. I couldn’t let her have the satisfaction that she was right, I did need help.
After the visit, I felt as if I had met my maker. –Logically I did– I went to the nurse.
“Step up on the scale so we can get your weight again. When you came in you could hardly stand.” She said trying to be as gentle as possible. I was mute and felt oblivious to what I had done. Having that feeling of knowing you have absolutely no idea what they’re talking about bluntly . . . SUCKS!
“105.3. Okay now let’s get your height.” She continued trying not to give me the big eyed look.
After lights out I sat in my bed thinking ‘Do I want this in my life forever? , ‘Do I want to die?’ Do I want my sister, mom, or dad to get that call?’ No, I don’t. I need to stop being selfish and think about others around me. Take accountability for what I had done. Thankfully I now am proud to say I’m 7 months clean from cocaine and heroin.
“Huh? What?” I said still waking up. Confusion swarmed my tilt-a-world brain, still deciding if I want to spew or not.
“You saw what that s**t did to me. What made you think it was going to be different? It’s serious stuff. When the cops called me, I thought… I thought they were going to tell me they found your body.” Emili says fighting back the urge to cry.
It hit me that a bomb, the worlds ran through my mind like an express train to England. Then . . . it all came out. Seriously everything came out. The tears ran and flowed like never before.
Sitting in my room with three blankets and still felt like it was below zero. My clothes were soaked like I’d just gotten done with a water balloon fight. Frequently running for my full set room/and bathroom set toilet to let out all that was left in me. My cries turned to screams hoping this would stop. What felt like weeks was only four days. Finally shutting my eyes for some good unfamiliar sleep . . .
Boom, Boom, Boom. MJ the staff at the detention said unlocking my door. “Ashili you have a visit.”
“From who?” I said as she walked in a bit.
“Your mom.”
Walking down to the visiting section hurt like I was weighed down with thousands of pounds of withdrawal. I sat down, breathing like I just got done running a mile. Sudden tears fell from my moms’ eyes as she grabbed for a hug.
“Oh my gosh.”
“Ah, be careful.” I said wincing in pain. She stared at me for five minutes in silence. My eyes couldn’t even meet hers. My head hung down like it was decapitated. I was ashamed that I let my habit get this bad. I couldn’t let her have the satisfaction that she was right, I did need help.
After the visit, I felt as if I had met my maker. –Logically I did– I went to the nurse.
“Step up on the scale so we can get your weight again. When you came in you could hardly stand.” She said trying to be as gentle as possible. I was mute and felt oblivious to what I had done. Having that feeling of knowing you have absolutely no idea what they’re talking about bluntly . . . SUCKS!
“105.3. Okay now let’s get your height.” She continued trying not to give me the big eyed look.
After lights out I sat in my bed thinking ‘Do I want this in my life forever? , ‘Do I want to die?’ Do I want my sister, mom, or dad to get that call?’ No, I don’t. I need to stop being selfish and think about others around me. Take accountability for what I had done. Thankfully I now am proud to say I’m 7 months clean from cocaine and heroin.
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